


Trying for you

by ColorfulWarlock



Series: Fallen Nephilim [3]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alec Lightwood Deserves Nice Things, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Communication, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fallen Nephilim, Fuck the Clave, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Malec Discord Server WINGO, Plucking, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Supportive Magnus Bane, The Downworld loves Alec, Wingfic, Wings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-16
Updated: 2020-06-16
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:27:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,240
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24748315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ColorfulWarlock/pseuds/ColorfulWarlock
Summary: “I’m almost considering forcing you to make a blood oath with me. No more making deals with Greater Demons.”“We would break it,” Alec pointed out, his lips twitching upward now.“I know. Perhaps we should change it to just Asmodeus? I’m not really expecting another family reunion so soon.”Alec snorted. “I hope not.”
Relationships: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Series: Fallen Nephilim [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1729603
Comments: 36
Kudos: 249
Collections: Wingo Summer





	Trying for you

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! I'm back with the third part of this series. Thank you for y'all that are still here <3  
> Again, this is not beta-ed, mistakes are all mine.
> 
> Ah, a big thank you for [Aria](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aria_Lerendeair/pseuds/Aria_Lerendeair), for creating the wonderful Oberon and letting me mention him here 🥰
> 
> Bingo square: Plucking

It wasn’t supposed to hurt like that.

When Alec agreed to Asmodeus’ deal, he knew – he _knew_ – what he was signing for. When he mulled over all the possibilities and bad scenarios, it was to get his mind already prepared for the jab. For all the loss and pain. For all the hate from the people he worked his ass off through his entire life to please.

Still, it didn’t hurt less. Even with the support of the people who really mattered – his family, his friends, Magnus – it never hurt less.

But it was okay. Magnus was happy. He had his magic and immortality back. He was accepting clients once more and helping Isabelle in the Institute. He was himself again and Alec would never regret his decision.

Even so, why the pain wouldn't go away?

He felt so useless. Before the attack from those rebellious Shadowhunters, Alec could at least go hunting demons at night by his own volition. He could still fight and help protect Mundanes and Downworlders alike. But now…

He glanced back at his bandaged wings. It took the combined efforts of Magnus and Catarina to take out the worst part of the injuries. However, there was so much that magic could really help. Healing magic born from demonic blood wasn’t really efficient on Nephilim wings, and iratzes were really weak at tainted ones. They even tried letting Jace draw the iratzes since runes drawn by _parabatais_ were stronger, but the effects remained equally weak.

Alec had to heal by the Mundane way. Or the bird way, he wasn’t sure anymore.

He snorted humorlessly. He was now an outcast and a good for nothing.

His hands twitched. He wanted so bad to punch, to _break_ something.

If he still could go to the Institute, he would be able to train. To punch a bag. If he asked for a punchbag from Magnus, he would be suspicious?

Alec groaned. Damn, he couldn’t even go to their rooftop and shoot arrows non-stop because his glamour was as useless as his iratzes and wouldn’t work.

Huh, there was a third option. Something he hasn’t done for a long while. When punching bags and shooting arrows weren’t enough, he would pluck his feathers out. Plucking one single feather out was already painful and he had to be careful to not take one too visible. Methodically, he always plucked out those more hidden, situated in places that one would have to be at a certain angle to notice the absence.

So, he plucked one out.

Magnus said to tell him when things got that bad.

Then, another.

But Magnus wasn’t there.

_Another._

Nothing would change.

**_Another._ **

It hurt so much.

**_Another._ **

He hated those wings.

**_Another. Another._ **

They should be gone!

**_Another. Another. Another._ **

Alec couldn’t breathe anymore.

~*~

It was an uncomfortable slumber, one he didn’t remember entering into voluntarily. He must have passed out from the pain. And talking about pain…

Angels above and demons below, his wings hurt as much as the day they were crushed. At least the voices inside his head were silent. He noticed he was still on the bed, the silk duvet soothing his burning skin. Great, he might have gotten an infection. Magnus was going to kill him.

And talking about Magnus, Alec could feel his boyfriend’s presence beside the bed, probably on some armchair he put in there. Maybe if he spent a bit more time with his eyes closed, he could think about how to properly explain himself to Magnus. Or to maybe just give him the lamest excuse ever.

“I know you are awake,” the warlock announced with a very controlled and neutral voice, the one he used when his defenses were up and he was ready to deal with whatever bullshit life threw at him.

“Of course you know…” Alec grumbled, but Magnus didn’t call him out for that. Instead, he only put the teacup on the bedside table and crossed his arms, patiently waiting for Alec to say something more.

Alec took some time to adjust himself, setting on a position comfortable enough and trying to not hiss with the painful throbbing coming from his – even more – injured wings. Looking around, he finally saw a pile of black feathers resting on Magnus’ vanity.

“Well, at least now you have a lot of good potion ingredients.”

“This is not funny, Alexander. You are severely injured, got a fever and could have damaged your wings even more.”

“Would it matter? They are useless now. _I_ am useless now. More feathers, less feathers, it won’t make a difference.”

Magnus narrowed his eyes. “I know what you are trying to do, and I won’t let you push me away, Alec. You let me before and I hurt you hard enough for you to go and make a deal with my father without my consent.”

Alec winced at that, his lips tighten in a downward frown. Magnus let out a long, deep-exhausted sigh.

“I’m almost considering forcing you to make a blood oath with me. No more making deals with Greater Demons.”

“We would break it,” Alec pointed out, his lips twitching upward now.

“I know. Perhaps we should change it to just Asmodeus? I’m not really expecting another family reunion so soon.”

Alec snorted. “I hope not.”

A heavy silence fell for some minutes, until Alec shuffled uncomfortably, eyes cast down.

“I don’t regret it. I really don’t. I had enough time to think about all the worst scenarios,” he paused for a moment, carefully considering his words when he felt Magnus’ warm hands wrapping his. Glancing up to his boyfriend, Alec only found unwavering support and understanding.

“I expected all the hate, but don’t an assault so soon. This is what I can’t wrap my head around. When you lost your powers, no warlock tried to hurt you.” Although he still wouldn’t let pass him that Lorenzo’s meddling was an attempt of sabotaging Magnus. “Now, to see and feel my own people doing that… It hurts, Magnus. A lot.”

Magnus stayed in silence for a moment in respect to Alec’s feelings, then squeezed his Shadowhunter’s hands to draw his attention.

“I know you are in a lot of pain now, not only emotionally but also physically, but could you come to the living room with me? I’d like to show you something.”

Alec stared at his boyfriend for a moment, then nodded.

They went together to the spacious living room of the loft, and what Alec saw not only halted his steps but also made his heart clench painful inside his chest.

“What… What is all this, Magnus?”

The room was filled with flowers, cards, wrapped gifts, and _magic_. Wisps of different colors danced around, and when Alec approached, they launched themselves on him, circling his body while still dancing. Confused, he turned to Magnus and couldn’t help a small amused grin at the view of blue wisps sputtering from his boyfriend’s fingers as if trying to reach and push all those foreign ones.

“Jealous?” He cocked one eyebrow and Magnus just shrugged with a blank expression.

The warlock would never admit that.

Alec walked around, taking in everything, all the details. Some gifts were definitely odd but resembled perfectly who their senders were. Vampires, werewolves, fairies, warlocks.

_Downworlders._

He didn’t understand.

“Most of us do know what black wings on a Nephilim mean, after all, Valentine exposed his with a sickening proudness,” Magnus explained, his voice soft. “But what they mean is just a concept of your people, Alec. My people suffered enough prejudice because of our marks, because of our appearance, despite our true essence. Our demon blood doesn’t make what we are but our actions.”

Alec’s wings twitched, sending a wave of pain through his body, but he was too overwhelmed to mind the discomfort.

“The Downworld knows you, Alexander. What you did, what you are doing to help. The creation of the Downworld Cabinet to finally put us in truly equal foot by yours, the respect you show despite the blood in one’s veins, the Downworlders you saved so, so many times.”

“Magnus, I was just doing my job. Surely this can’t be enough to…” he gestured wildly around. “To all this.”

“But it is, Alec. You freed Luke and Maia when you could have given them to be judged by the Clave. You protected Madzie in the middle of a room full of other warlocks putting your own life at risk. You protected two other warlock girls from being slaughtered by bigoted Shadowhunters. You… You gave a part of yourself to take my magic back,” Magnus was whispering now, trying to keep his emotions from spilling out. This wasn’t about him, it was about Alec.

“Nobody knows that,” Alec shook his head, still denying.

“Well, I might have told Catarina. And Raphael. Maybe some vampires overheard. Oberon was there too, and you know how us warlocks are bored beings who like gossips and have nothing better to do,” Magnus gave a small smile, his voice almost airily. “We were at the Hunter’s Moon, so I guess werewolves’ hearing picked it too. Oh, Seelies definitely have a loose tongue.”

Alec huffed wetly, not able to contain some tears that dropped without his permission. While wiping them away, he noticed a big drawing on the coffee table. It was clearly made by some kid if the stick figures were anything to go by. The smaller ones looked like children. One with antlers and purple and blue butterfly wings, and the other had the hair and part of the face colored with a yellow crayon and glitter. Those warlock girls…

Which means the big stick figure was Alec. Well, it was obvious since it had wings colored with black crayon.

When he flipped the paper, there were big letters painted with rainbow colors.

**_THANK YOU, MR. ALEC._ **

**_S AND V._ **

“S and V?” Alec whispered, feeling a big lump in his throat.

“Sunny and Violet. Those brave girls who brought me to you,” Magnus looked fondly at the drawing. “They ask a lot about you.”

“How are they? Are they safe? Did they get hurt?” Alec turned to his boyfriend, still fighting more tears.

“They are fine, don’t worry. I portalled them to a safe place. The High Warlock of Queens is taking care of them and looking for their families.”

Alec only nodded and put the drawing back on the coffee table, glancing around once more.

“Do you understand now?” Magnus’ voice was so soft, it was barely audible. “The children of the Moon, of the Night, of Lilith and the Fair Folk… We don’t care about your wings. We care about _you_ , Alexander.”

Alec closed his eyes tight, his whole body trembling.

“You said… You said that you loved my wings because they reminded you of a starry night. Won’t you miss their right color?”

“A starless sky is still a sky. You still carry the night on your wings, and I find them extremely beautiful. I love them, I love you. Nothing changed, _sayang_. You are still my angel.”

Alec let out a loud, pained sob.

Cradling Alec’s face, Magnus lowered his voice to just a whisper.

“Let it go, Alec,” his fingers tenderly caressed his Shadowhunter’s cheeks. “Let it go, my love.”

And Alec did.

~*~

It took some hours, but Alec finally fell asleep. His fever also broke, so he would wake up feeling better. Magnus held him all the time, whispering sweet nothings and caressing his back between the wings. During all those months they knew each other, the warlock never saw Alec breaking like that, not even on that day at the rooftop after the deal. Alec cried and sobbed with such intensity that he felt his heart break a bit more each second.

He never wanted to see his love like that again.

Magnus let Alec sleep comfortably on their bed and made his way to the living room. Sitting on his favorite blue armchair, he snapped his fingers and summoned a glass of whiskey. Absentminded, he looked around until his eyes set on an old painting where two black hummingbirds were flying together around a dazzling white jasmine.

“ _Melati putih_ ,” Magnus murmured. A sacred flower in Indonesia. It represented life and beauty yet it was also associated with spirits and death.

It also symbolized a fallen hero, someone who sacrificed their life for their home.

_Alec…_

Magnus almost wished he could curse all Shadowhunters to have black wings, even if just for a day, so they could see how their view of wings and colors are totally bullshit.

Looking more intensively at the painting, a sudden idea came to Magnus' mind.

Going straight to his apothecary and forgetting his drink, he took a very old tome and turned the pages until he found the one he was looking for. The spell was under the _Not Recommended_ section.

He grinned. Of course it wasn’t recommended.

After going through the list of ingredients, he hummed and then called Isabelle.

_“Magnus? Is everything okay? Something happened to Alec?”_

“Fear not, my dear. He is resting. I call to seek help.”

_“Oh… Of course. What do you need?”_

“Alec has a meeting in two days in Los Angeles, so during his absence I’ll need you, Blondie, Biscuit, and Simon.”

_“Okay, and what’re we gonna do?”_

Magnus’ smile widened mischievously.

“We are going to summon a demon.”

**Author's Note:**

> I don't have twitter, but you can always come to talk to me on [Tumblr](https://thelightofthebane.tumblr.com/)!


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